I and Thou - You, Me, and God - What will make our encounter genuine?

I am starting to read I and Thou for class, and while I will not get into the complexity of all this book, I will describe its effect on me.

It has to do with our relation to another.

To have a genuine encounter with another, we must approach one another in all of our humanity, and in doing so, we approach one another in all of who we are in God. When we do not relate to another as genuine human beings, we lose the presence of God. And if the presence of God is not existing in relation to one another, we lose the ability to relate to that person in their full humanity, as a human being, and not as an object. Both God and the fullness of humanity must be present for there to be a genuine encounter with another.

For example. If you come to me expressing how hard the week has been for you, I have three basic choices of encountering and relating to you. I can focus more on you, on God, or hold both of these. To simply focus on all of you, I objectify you. I treat you as an object, nothing more and nothing less. Now when I simply focus on all of God in talking to you, I take away your humanity. I tell you to 'just trust in God' or 'things will all work out for you in the end because God loves you'. This is an abstraction of the real you. It foregoes who you are and treats you as a means in order to find the end in God. This also treats you as an object. It does not take into account your humanity. It doesn't take into account what you think and feel, how your heart aches and longs. Now when encountering you I hold both the full humanity of who you are and the full presence of who God is in you, I encounter a true relationship. I hold all of who you are in God, which is found in honoring all of who you are as a human being.

Everything we are is to be given glory to God. Yet we cannot give glory to God without fully honoring the person. They play off of each other; the relation is reciprocity, a give and take. They must both be held. Where full humanity and full divinity meet, we encounter true relationship. One that honors the person because it honors God, and honors God because we honor each other.

May we hold both of these when we meet. May we approach each other recognizing and treating one another in the very deepness of respect, and at the same time know that this can only be true when we acknowledge the full glory to be given to God.

Coldplay, Dan, Passion, Therapy

Had another week with Dan Allender's faith, hope, and love…and it was just as intense as the first.

But some thoughts…my favorite song right now is from Coldplay, called Fix You. The song caught me by surprise, as I was driving back from Oregon with a sluggish posture, my body tired, my eyes heavy from the busy week and weekend. I was enjoying the mellowy Coldplay sound. The song Fix You came on and it started out slow as most of their songs do. I was half-listening to the lyrics, due to my half-numb state of mind. I was in a bumbed mood for several reasons, one part of the loneliness that wants to latch onto me once in awhile, and in the same way the questions like what in the world am I doing out here.

Yet suddenly the guitar started to jam out (like the U2 of old), and the tone and pace of the song sparked something in me, grabbed my attention. I turned the volume turned up, with the drums adding to the crescendo, and he then sang out several times ‘tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace.’ At this point, my mood had suddenly been lifted from indifference to intense emotion. I was immersed in this song. I listened to it several more times, each time absorbing, soaking up all the song had to offer me. I don’t know exactly what the song was initially meant to convey, but by the time it was done, it meant passion. It sang me into passion. It reminded me of the love for all the things that really matter. It could mean something completely different to you, but to me in my story, the song meant passion.

I say this because that is what Dan also leads me into. I cannot sit in his class and space-out with a temper of indifference. And this is one of the main things I have taken from my time with him; a calling to not live in indifference. Not to side with a numb, unconcerned, apathetic, uninterested heart. This is significant for me as I have read some more about the heart, how it wants to go into repression when it experiences pain, a form of safety to never experience the pain it once felt again. Instead of opening itself up again it opts for no feeling at all.

Like the song, Dan leads the class into passion. I don’t think anyone could sit in the class and not feel anything. You would have to either love him or hate him. No neutrality. This has confronted my own tendency to lie in the realm of neutrality. I am a mellow person. Not that I think that is inherently bad. But I think I can often use that to hide from what is really going on. I don’t like confrontation. Like anyone, I don’t like my heart to hurt. And like anyone, it has been, really bad, and I have often opted for the choice to sit in or around numbness.

Like the song, I have been led by Dan into an arena that wars with our emotions, our pasts that lie in the present by memory. I have been led to enter into the pain, not in a way that accompanies pity, but an action that desires to mourn and suffer well, which will ultimately bring out a passion and joy not only now but in anticipation of what is to Come in the future. Most of the songs in the Bible were expressed this way, in acknowledgement that to be living is to be in a sense of pain, but at the same time in passionate joy. This is paradoxical, yet this is life. And Dan has asked us how well we rest in that tension, that of death and life. Will you choose more of one than the other, or neither one, or will you embrace both? Will you choose to acknowledge reality when it seems like madness? We are often not fond of the reality that God has given us. Where do we then turn? What addiction takes us out of reality, turns down the knob for a moment? What is this thing which becomes your idol? Can you take the visible failure in idolatry and let it know what its heart really wants? G.K. Chesterton writes ‘every man who walks into a brothel is looking for God.” Do you acknowledge the desire that God has implanted in you which finds its home in your own brothels? Will you acknowledge that you are looking for God!!! Will you stop trying to numb life through addiction and enter into feeling where you can truly experience what life has to give, and to embrace that well in the suffering and pain that you know will bring you even more capacity for joy.

How have the times when you have been betrayed spurred you to construct gods that are better and more pleasing to you? How have you escaped being an orphan? How have you avoided being a stranger in a foreign land? Do you use wit or just simply talk so much that you keep everyone at an amazing distance, or euphemism your way to escape reality? Our idolatry is an effort to find joy outside of God. What do you kneel toward (good looks, intellect…) to keep yourself from being an orphan, to invert reality? Will we trust that we will not be left as orphans, or will we cling to other saviors? It is not about life working for us, but a preparation for what is to Come. Will we be made ready in our waiting and our trust of what is to Come. Will we live well today in that anticipation. Will we have good wine in a real community that is not perfect, in fact may be very broken, but in that way know how we are all the more waiting well for what will Come.

Where are you desiring His Coming? A brothel? Are you able to see through this? To what your heart desires? Will you wait well? Will you, along with the Scripture, hold both joy and suffering together? This is true passion, true living. Not a passion that wants to escape the world and go to heaven but wishes to embrace all that is right now.

This is what we are to offer in therapy. Not an escape and simple solving of the single problem our client has come to us for. It is always part of a deeper problem. We cannot be plastic surgeons. We engage them into the story of life. Only then can true heart transformation occur. It will not happen if we throw a Bible verse at them. That is using the truth as a weapon, not as a transformative language. We must enter into the language of their story. Only then will the love of the Gospel make sense. Then we can offer them the reality of what faith, hope, and love is. The Gospel is to be embodied, to be spoken with action, and occasionally with words. This is true therapy, giving flesh and blood to the ultimate reality of the Gospel. This is also an engagement with passion.

Wow didn’t expect to go off on that tangent, but just got into my notes from the past weeks and felt compelled to right. Hope you made it through.

Allow me to Process...

Wow. The past three days have been that word. I wish I was a better writer so I could fully describe to you what I’ve experienced. I will try, but will only provide poor reflection at best. The richness of being in a room where Dan Allender speaks with passion on life is like trying to describe the sunset to someone who has never been to the ocean. Ok a little overtly dramatic but hopefully I got my point across!

I had 12 hours of class this week where I listened to Dan speak on faith, hope, and love, the title of the class. When I first heard of that title, it sounded lame, and I was not real excited about spending so much time on topics I had heard so many times. And I guess that is where the beauty had been all week for me; Dan’s ability to speak in a language that not only brings such depth and life to those words, but also his skill in bringing your own story and experiences into a head-on collision with them. I was completely captured by his exposition of what those three words really mean; how they touch every part of our life - past, present, and future. It was the opposite of reading a definition. It was like taking each word of a definition and defining those in experience and then constructing out of that a theme which best described what the word meant.

He drew out my emotions, some I hadn’t felt in some time and some I forgot I had. I was about ready burst as he led me down the road of pain and betrayal and madness and glory and redemption and the faces we have and the stories that shape who we have become. And again, all these words can only be experienced in the moment, in the context, like any great story. In the setting, the people, and the face and person of Dan. He is the only guy I have heard a girl say has a beautiful face where she was not talking about his attractiveness. It just looks like it has done a lot of life, seen darkness and joy in one experience after another. It is worn. It can quickly change to reveal a new expression that colors his speech. And it has exuded the passion of life and the Gospel for me this week.

The talks were not direct. He did not read his notes like the teacher going through a syllabus on the first day. The ideas were hard to understand, like Jesus and the parables he taught. You had to engage in the story he was telling and relate it to your own heartaches and disappointments and hopes and longing for reconciliation. Dan did not teach on what should be taught or what is more reputable for him and the school. He taught on his life, his story, the stories of so many broken people who have come to him in agony, hanging by a thread. It was life, not what we want life to be. It was more like listening to a song than a monologue. Hearing the beauty in the rhythm and the highs and lows that usually describe experience much better than words.

That was my week, put into words as best as I could in the time I have. Thanks for allowing me to process.

Escaping to British Columbia

I was lucky enough to get a crew (my roommate Katie, her friend Liz, and Liz's random friend she met last week) and head up north for the labor day weekend, just north of Vancouver. Despite some anxiety from the group during the week about what we were really getting ourselved into, we did come back alive!

It took us about 7 hours at least to get there, due to 2 hours waiting to cross the border, and at least an hour more getting lost in Vancouver. But we finally made it and then soaked in the wilderness for two days.

We hiked the Stawamus Chief. It was beautiful all the way up, and as you can see, the view from the top was breathtaking. I'll just stop typing and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Another Day, Another Taste of Seattle

Went down to the market today, and took a photo of the most interesting thing I saw. A guy on the guitar twirling a hoola hoop. Unfortunately I wasn't able to capture him while he was balancing another guitar on his chin at the same time. Why didn't we see him on America's Got Talent?

He was able to pull out a rhyme as I took the pic. "I ain't on the cover of rolling stone, but I did get on your picture phone..."

Addiction and Grace

This is the latest book I’m reading, recommended by Matthew as it was part of his curriculum at Wheaton.

The most significant thing I experienced in reading this is the distinctive link that freedom has to love. I had not really thought of love giving birth freedom in the way it is described here. It is unassuming to me, yet has made so much sense. This really has given me a different perspective on how the Gospel can be lived out. When I am not bonded/addicted to the things that want to usurp my desire, I am then able to direct this desire to its truest form, which is a love for God and an ability to express this love in freedom to Him and others.

This is more or less same idea of sin and redemption, but explained more in psychological terms, which provides a different perspective. Here are the basic thoughts discussed in the first couple chapters of the book:

God has created us out of love, the love that God simply is, for God is love. Scripture proclaims that this love, from which and for which we are created, is perfect.

Our life on earth is lived out expressing this love in a myriad of different forms. Though dimmed because of the fall, all that we do is in one way or another lived out in the actions that express the desire for this love. In many ways it is good – expressed in love for family and friends. And in other ways it is distorted, through controlling, abusive relationships, sexual perversions, etc. However it is played out, it all comes back to our eternal desire and longing to experience the perfect love that we were born into. This yearning is the essence of the human spirit; it is the origin of our highest hopes and most noble dreams.

Our freedom of will is essential for our participation in a creative loving environment. Free will was given to us for a purpose: so that we may choose freely, without coercion or manipulation, to love God in return, and to love one another in a similarly perfect way. So freedom is what is born out of perfect love. The love that creates us is not enslaving; it is eternally present, and endlessly open.

Working against this boundless love that gives birth to freedom is the powerful force of addiction. Addiction is the absolute enemy of human freedom; it is the antipathy of love. Addiction bonds and enslaves the energy of desire to certain behaviors, things, or people, and these things come to rule our lives. In addiction we are forced to worship these objects of attachment, thereby preventing us from truly, freely loving God and one another.

Most true addictions are impossible to get out of by our own willpower. By our own efforts, we are left helplessly unable to escape the bondage we find ourselves in. This also keeps us from attaining the perfect love we were born out of. We are unable to live out the commandment to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. We can dedicate our entire lives to them, but still fail.

Yet this failure is necessary for us because in this helplessness we can most honestly and completely turn to grace. Grace is our only hope for dealing with addiction, the only power that can truly vanquish its destructiveness. Grace is the invincible advocate of freedom and the absolute expression of perfect love.

Grace itself cannot be possessed; it is eternally free, and like the Spirit that gives it, it blows where it will. We can seek it and try to be open to it, but we cannot control it. Similarly, grace seeks us but will not control us.

Finally, a quote that I feel summarizes what the book is really trying to express:

I live a life infused by the bondage of addiction and the hope of grace; I think we all live such lives. Let us pray that our communal efforts will contribute to that primal, eternal desire that we all share with God: perfect freedom and love for all humankind.

First night on the town

I finally got downtown for the first time last night. My roommate Katie is just trying to start a music career in Seattle and she was playing at an open mic night in a coffee shop located in the middle of the city. A bunch of us went down and met several more students down there. I have to say I think it's so cool that my roommate is doing this; not only do I get to see her play, but it will allow me to easily see what's going on in the Seattle music scene.

The time spent downtown seemed to kick off for me what will be a time of unique experiences in a city that has more of a focus on the arts than most. Last night it was music, and I was able to see a variety of genres, from bluegrass to alternative, and some were really good.

Day 6

We made it! We left after lunch and took the backway from Yakima which Anne suggested. This took us right by Mount Rainier.

A little while later the city came into sight and soon enough we were at my house. It was very easy to find, right off of the major highway that runs through Seattle. I don't think I could've picked a better location, thanks to my roommate Katie who we trusted with our living situation and she came through. I think I will have a great time with the two roommates I have met so far, Katie and Meredith. The other two will be back tomorrow.

I am obviously in major adjustment mode, living right in the middle of this huge city. It is quite a shock to drive out of my street and be in the middle of everything. Looking forward to this new life here.

Day 4 & 5

Our last long day of driving was finally complete when we made it to Aunt Anne and Uncle Joe's place in Yakima, only a couple hours southeast of Seattle. It was great to stop for a couple days and enjoy their hospitality and the beautiful place where they live. Quite a view from their deck! It was also good to see cousin Tanya and her family, who were great to hang out with. Joe took on the kids with a squirtgun and I think he lost that fight.

Day 3

Yellowstone...we were told a couple different ways to get there, and chose to go through a path called the Bear's Tooth. It was the shortest distance from where we were, but basically required going through - or over - the Rocky Mountains. While this was not easy and took some time, the ride through the Bear Tooth Path was amazing; as good as Yellowstone itself. Though half a day was not nearly enough to get the experience that Yellowstone has to offer. A couple days of camping was really needed here.

Day 2

We continued through South Dakota where we entered rolling hills and sign after sign for the corn palace and wall drug stores. The morale was low as we were getting pretty tired of this state, until we came up on the Badlands. We were planning on going to Mt. Rushmore, but when we asked a guy at the gas station he said the Badlands would be worth much more of our time. After venturing through we definitely agreed with him. Right off the highway, it is a must see.

After the Badlands we finally entered another state, Wyoming, where we drove along the edge of the beautiful rocky mountains.

We ended up in Billings, Montana. We thought we could quickly get into a hotel room right off the highway. To our surprise it was full, and then the next hotel we checked was full, and we ended up scrambling around town to get an open room. We happened to stop in this city when a huge fair was in town. Luckily we were able to get the last room a little farther out of town.

Day 1

And it began...if for no other reason, my mid-sized sedan was paying off for this trip. The trunk was about to burst. Mom made a comment about 'wants and needs' as I continued to stuff it with clothes.

We started out early and made it all the way to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. And pretty much the whole way there, the surroundings looked about the same as they do in Michigan. Minnesota brought some big hills after the Mississippi River and then miles and miles of cornfields. Sioux Falls wasn't exactly a happenin' place. But I was able to read a bit more of Irresistible Revolution, and Chapter 3 is my favorite one so far, where Shane talks about his trip to Calcutta to live alongside Mother Theresa. Couldn't help but get very moved by what was going on there, where people were constantly giving of themselves. He described such an amazing community in the midst of so much pain and death.

Starting to Set In

This last weekend I was able to spend some good time with good friends. After my roommate Justin's wedding, Matthew and I were able to go next door to the Black Rose and meet up with Josh and Charlie. We had the perfect atmosphere outside to discuss what's really going on with us, and what's going to happen the next year. Our paths will be diverging to say the least, but we would still carry the common desire to live better. And living better was woven into our dialogue, just like old times back at MSU when we would have thoughts like what it would really look like if we actually lived out everything that we said we believed.

Reality of my upcoming move quickly set in when I said goodbye to Josh the next day, and I knew I wouldn't see him again for quite some time. The next step then came when Matthew headed back for Chicago later that night. Dad set up some last pictures. Hard to see him go.

The Emergent Church

Matthew pointed me towards a good article on the emerging church by D.A. Carson. He does a good job describing a movement that is not easy to define.

http://www.modernreformation.org/dac05emerging.htm

What the Bleep Do We Know?

Just watched this documentary the other night, and many of its ideas were very interesting. I had never really been introduced into the real thought of quantum physics, and the clear as mud theory is described as well as it can be in this film.

I would highly suggest renting it (I got it from blockbuster) and enter into something that attempts to change every way you think about the world. The only thing I didn't like is many of their views of God, in which some quickly make conclusions even in the midst of so much talk about life being mysterious and that we should ask questions instead of drawing conclusions.

Yet I did enjoy how most of the people on the documentary were interested in asking the question why. They were interested in some of the bigger questions in life, exercising the freedom we have as humans to actually think about what is really going on instead of just reacting to instinctual desires. Pretty refreshing to experience the passion of those who want to think bigger – and especially interesting to hear this from those who do not necessarily believe in Jesus as I do. I do not find many irreligious people today who are asking the deeper questions in life.

The part I enjoyed the most by far was the incredibly well taught piece on how our thoughts affect our body. It brought me to a new level of belief in the idea that you can change your life by changing the way you think. I liked the practical demonstrations on our thoughts and body that are shown here more than the way they try to link this to quantum physics. If you do not at least attempt to move towards more positive way of thinking after seeing this, I don’t think you ever will.

As for the more philosophical questions this documentary poses, even after days of mulling over what they had to suggest, it is hard to really know what to do. This documentary needs to be discussed with others after viewing, and I hope to do more of that soon.

The New Place

I think it looks really nice, especially the kitchen. It should be interesting to see how 5 people eat out of one fridge though, ha.

I have been praying that my roommates and I would have something special going on in this house.

I am looking forward to seeing what that will look like.

My Movie Review: I AM SAM

Didn't expect to get so deep here...but couldn't help it I guess, it was such a good movie! And as you will see by its length, I still have plenty of time on my hands.




Just watched the movie I Am Sam, kind of random old one I thought I would rent in case I missed something good. And it met me in a way a movie has not done for some time.

Within a couple minutes I had come to really enjoy Sam, a retarted father who had a relationship with his daughter Lucy that was so raw and filled with pure love that I was instantly connected emotionally. This attention grabbing emotion took me off myself and my soft pity of having a less than ideal summer.

I usually lose any self pity when I see someone who is handicapped, where I simply feel lucky not to be in their shoes. Yet Sam took me off of myself in a different way. Despite his retardation, he seemed to have so much life in the midst of what seemed so little. Maybe all the intellect he was lacking gave room for a whole lot of something else.

This is what Sam does throughout the movie – his lack of intellect carries along with it a different kind of wisdom that is eventually learned by those who are lucky enough to know him.

This is best portrayed in the relationship Sam has with his lawyer, Rita, who tries to win his kid back from the courts who feel that Sam does not have the ability to raise Lucy well. Incredibly smart, she never loses and lies compulsively to make sure things turn out this way. She artistically bends the truth and manipulates those to get her way. Yet her life is a mess and she seems incapable of having a true relationship with anyone, including her nonexistent son.

Beautifully contrasted, Sam’s autistic tendencies keep him from even being able to tell a lie. His life is filled with the love of his daughter and a group of mentally challenged friends who are at his side throughout the trial. It is his incompetence that actually provides him the patience, consistency, and love that most of us have a hard time carrying through.

And in the end, it is Sam who becomes the teacher and Rita the student. When this is fully realized, Rita finally opens up and we see the first glimpse of her experiencing a true connection when she says, “You know what I’m afraid of Sam. I’m afraid that I’ve learned more from you in this relationship.”

Sam had the brain capacity of a 7 year old. When I heard that I couldn’t help but think about reading where Jesus points to the children and says to ‘be like these.’ And I think this movie has some similar themes with the things Jesus is directing us toward in life. Maybe God did have some legitimate concerns in the beginning when He warned us about eating the tree which would then lead to knowledge. We all know the trouble that has ensued from this decision.

The movie took me back to the heart of a child, and a longing for raw, true relationships that bring so much joy to life. A longing to strip away the things that keep me from really experiencing the people I know, and encounter some of the true beauty and depth of life.

God allow me to reach a higher wisdom – one that can only be taught by you.

Give us humble hearts, that we may know the true wisdom that you give, that which can only be learned through you, that we may experience life the way that you have fully intended it to be.

The City Awaits

Just had my registration appt and got my classes:
Hermeneutics
Faith, Hope, and Love
Interpersonal Foundations
Practicum (i think we talk about our feelings here)
Prayer 1

Checkin' Things Out

The first post here...just tryin things out. Surgery has left me in desperation to be productive in some way and David has led me to the blogging world, a perfect match for someone who is laid up on the couch for a week.

In the calm before the storm here, nothing to do just before my life changes more than it really ever has before. Heading to Seattle in a few weeks, where I will go from the routine 5am wake-up calls of a real job as an engineer to the late nights and jagged schedule of a grad student. Can't wait!