Thought I'd give a short summary of what the past trimester has been for me. Instead of the string of statements I set out last time, I wanted to share what has been the highlight for me, my practicum II class (for those of you that don't know it's where we counsel each other). Right from the beginning there was something special about the group of 10 people.
So amazing to really feel like you were cared for, like people really wanted to see you, and that set up the possibility for each of us to risk enough to actually allow something greater than ourselves to happen. It was a taste of true community, and whenever that happens you are always left thinking how sweet that is and how little it happens in everyday life. Even thinking about it now, remembering, it feels to die for. Evokes so much longing.
It was culminated in our last meeting, where we each brought in something reflecting our experience with each other. I decided to write something of a poem. When it was my turn, I looked down at the poem, and I was struck by the depth of the words in front of me. They were so weighty. So packed with experience and meaning. I tried to speak them but could not. Instead came the tears. Eventually I got going, and slowly made it through, pausing often with each swell of emotion. I felt so vulnerable, so exposed. Though that did not feel like shame; instead I felt so much strength in speaking and naming the beauty held in each sentence, in each story, in each person. I was claiming the beauty I saw. Speaking into life and not allowing shame to come in and snatch that life away from me. To be given the space to speak and name the beauty of what we had was, as I said above, to die for.
I thought I'd share a bit of the poem, though only the beginning and the end due to confidentiality of posting online - the middle section highlights each of the individual experiences of the group. In place of the middle section I thought I'd put a picture that seemed to symbolize to me the beauty that comes out of wide open spaces. When we allow the space for each other to truly show up, when we don't let shame come in and take away our glory, something beautiful happens. I call the picture 'unashamed sky.'
"Those who function out of fear, seek security. Those who function out of trust and risk, seek freedom." - William Hurt
We came seeking freedom, and grew to know the great cost that freedom calls forth. Risk, trust, tender tears, harsh tears, fierceness, feistiness, much space, little space, familiar safe camps, unfamiliar darkness, eyes closed, hands held out, risk, and more risk....
...We speak on behalf of freedom. Freedom to risk that we may utter the words of our true selves. For to speak the true words of our heart is to speak the words of God. We have seen glimpses of each of our hearts, we have seen the true words, and they hold the treasures of the Kingdom.
Another weekend in Portland. Eden played a show at the Hawthorne Theatre, a great place close to Mandi and Kathy's where we stayed.
up talking a lot about the Object Relations book we're reading (grad student nerds), but it really led to some amazing conversation, which will probably make it to another blog...invaluable to be discussing this stuff as we're going through it. I am grateful to have friends to really be able to do that, who are as excited to talk about this stuff as I am, who don't just want to coast through this program. Could not be any more different than undergrad for me.
biggest laugh came on the way back, where we ended up at a fairly confusing stoplight/train track. Long story short, we ended up somewhere in the middle of where we were supposed to stop and the train tracks. Red lights blinking, I looked up to see the train gates directly above, descending quickly. We all 
froze as they landed on top of the car. Lynn backed up as the antenna held one of the gates, eventually letting go, flinging the gate back and forth. The train passed and we went on our way. A little scary how close we got to the train, but also probably the most I've laughed in a long time.
