Cat

An interesting Cat Power show last night at the Showbox. Interesting holding deeper connotations, with the descriptor used most after the show being 'disturbing.' I agreed, and at the same time I can't help adding the word enchanting to the list of my experiences of this woman. But as for the disturbing consensus...it was obvious we were dealing with a very complex, mysterious woman to say the least. I think what we all wanted the most was for her to just stop moving up on stage, put the mic on the stand, center herself and just play the song the way we know it so well.

Instead, she was all over the place, each intonation in the song met by an erratic movement with her hands, arms, entire body. Some of this was enjoyable, I mean I was happy to see that she was trying, but I think the internal disturbance we all felt was our reaction to this woman who was trying so deeply hard that it hurt. It climaxed near the end of the show when she started apologizing, first about some of the minor sound mishaps, and then just apologizing for no reason. Then saying "fuck I just want to have a good show, that's all I want." Knowing any bit of her story is to know her rocky history with severe stage fright, ending shows early, some due to alcohol, some due to her self-perception that she was simply not playing well enough.

At the same time disturbing does in no way meet my full experience of her. Somehow she was also amazing. She provoked such a deep wonder, enchantment, beauty in bearing so deeply the marks of a woman. A woman so caught up in the struggle, you see it, right there, in her wanting to just have a good show, to not mess up, to sing out of this angelic voice of hers that embodies beauty. In a sense I feel like I get all the spoils, I get the music, the beautiful voice and music and lyrics that comes out of her pains, her longings, what she bears as a woman. I don't doubt that is one of the main reasons I love her music. Her brokenness is tragic, saddening, and at the same time, so alluring, so captivating.