“What if there is something inherently delightful about you?”
Something about the time it was said, the right moment with the right expression, me in the right place to hear it – the words carried a weight with them, a punch, a cut piercing through my defenses, past all the filters, the walls, the intellectual rationalization.
Delight is a scandalous word. It is risky. It is near. It is seen, exposed, known. And it can be described in no other way than with the word grace. That moment where the unexpected, what you would never think or believe could or ever would happen, actually coming about.
It feels like a girl who you notice, who just makes you weak. It has nothing to do with what she says, but how she says it. It has nothing to do with what she does, but who she simply is. You delight in her. But you pretty much think there is no way things could happen between you. Or don’t want to hope that much because it hurts too much to hope like that, that someone you delight in so much would actually delight in you. And then, out of nowhere, she comes, and she says that she doesn’t simply think you are a nice guy, or do nice things. She says she is made weak by you. She says that she just can’t seem to control herself, that you make her anxious, you change her breathing, that you move her. Not in something that you do, but in simply who you are. She says that she delights, in you.
That is where you say, “Wait, hold on. This can’t be happening. This is too good to be true. I don't know if I can simply sit in this joy. There has to be a catch. I’m just not that great. I just don’t think I could actually be delighted in, especially by someone who seems just so delightful. Me? Really?”
"Yes, you. What if there is something inherently delightful about you?"
That is a scandalous statement.
fin.
8 years ago
3 comments:
I wonder sometimes if, like you say, things are too good to be true... I've known the investment of hope in dreams of my own conjuring, known the disillusionment of the hollywood romantic occurrence... I wonder if these hopes speak more towards my own broken disposition, or were they blessings... where there is life, I suppose there is Christ, where there is love, the like... but it seems at most times I am not attempting to exercise a Christian life do I ever feel those spirits... perhaps that is the point then... maybe my own efforts are my worst enemy.. still, I am wary of feel-good Christianity, perhaps you can further enlighten me? Is it really that simple? It seems in retrospect the most lifted moments in my life were in a secular environment...
hm you bring a lot in your words, and i think you are hitting on something. it is not in the supposed to be, in what you think will happen. it is not even in the Christ that we have created ourselves. maybe it is in the secular, because in the secular is the surprise. it is in the place that you least think you should see God, or deserve to see God, or think where God should be, that God is. and in that is surprise, in that is a "too good to be true", in that is deeply scandalous grace. i think it is our control that makes us want to keep God in a certain spiritual place, instead of the rush of not knowing, of waiting, of hoping that God may be somewhere you would never expect, such as the very inherent parts of who we are.
i think God would make it that way so that we could not control, that we could not gain "by our own efforts" so that we would do away with a feel-good Christianity. Faith without serious honest, screaming out to God in anger kind of doubt is not really faith.
i have to say it is hard to speak to an anonymous, at least a name is helpful whether i know you or not
i had hoped you would say that, praise Jesus.
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