Family Time

Before the family got together this week, my dad sent the bros a picture from a past vacation, a time when we all had much more hair and a much better tan...

My mom didn't know that Matthew or I were coming this time. The night before I flew out my mom was at David's and I needed to get ahold of him, so we went into covert style, with the following text message:

'Roger 1 this is painted squirrel, just making sure that all the nuts are in place for tomorrow, give me a call when the eagle is out of sight - out.'

Operation successful, making for a good surprise and a good birthday for my mom and thanksgiving for everyone.

It was a shock stepping out of the mars hill world, leading to much reflection of the past 3 months of school. I was heavy from the weight of the program, the questioning that seems continuous in every fashion of experience at the school. Indirectly and indiscreetly it takes its toll on every part of me, something I didn't fully realize until I got on the plane and traveled away from Seattle. It is painful, this apparent feeling of an absence of God in the midst of this questioning that goes on. Though painful is not enough to describe it. It is like death. A song I have paints the experience when it says

'your silence is like death to me.'

It feels like death to sit in this deconstruction.

Yet this heaviness was lifted on the last night in Maryland, where a love that cannot be given justice by the use of words was expressed for our mother, whom celebrated her 60th birthday. Matthew made an amazing video that captured our expressions of gratitude and awe, with an ending verse from Colossians 3:14-

"Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity."

Amidst so many questions of what is and what is not in this program, my soul was able to rest in the reminder that love is on a different plane, a higher level of understanding, a deeper wisdom above what can be questioned.